You  may think in the time you’ve been sick you’ve done nothing and been wasting your time. This just isn’t true! You’ve collected an entire new skill set that can be laid out in CV form just the same as more traditional skills. And don’t forget people, they’re transferable skills.

I thought I’d knock up a quick draft of my new CV to give you an example of some of the things you may have also learned on your journey, valuable skills that not that many people have! Don’t forget the buzzwords!

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Louise DDDangerous

DOB: That time in the 80’s where people thought that Lucozade was a health food, ready meals were perfectly healthy and wearing neon was a great idea.

The blurb

I’ve been chronically differently abled since 2011 causing a dramatic shift in life focus, goals and opportunities. As a medical refugee that has used several country’s healthcare I’ve acquired a unique set of skills and knowledge. Consequently, I would be suited to a range of rolls, from admin to medicine all the way through to digital marketing, social media and any kind of written commentary on a range of subjects I feel uniquely placed to pass comment/judgement on.

I work well in a team, especially if the team is blind, deaf and has no sense of smell as I have lost my inhibition to be seen unwashed and wearing my pajamas in public.  My experiences have been ‘character building’ resulting my character in being visible from space. I’m currently applying for My Character to become the 8th Wonder of The Modern World.

Skill set

  • Carefully wording symptoms to not sound like a raving lunatic. (Epic language, psycho-social and cognitive skills)
  • Internet medical research ninja. I know where to find articles, studies and obscure medication in a matter of seconds. Go on, try me.
  • Social media whizz. As I spend all my time online, my social life is online too. *polishes nerd glasses*
  • Blogging experience. I have opinions, and lots of them, so have been blogging for a while and know stuffs.
  • Typing speed. Never officially measured it, but I assume it to be faster than a herd of galloping gazelles.
  • Nutter management. There are plenty of unhinged people in the chronic illness community, for various reasons. Running a support group has taught me how to deal with them. (Insider tip: don’t call them nutters to their face.)
  • Liaising with other healthcare and patient support organisations. – Requires an entirely different version of English with it’s own vocabulary using words and phrases such as ‘strategical management’ and ‘care pathways’ . Also requires strategical management of planet sized egos.
  • Medical jargon and drug name languages. Hydroxychloroquine? Postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome? Hypogammaglobulinemia? Yup, got it down…! Even Pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis (!)
  • Well developed Bullshit Detector. I can smell bullshit at 50 paces from healthcare officials and practitioners. Not to be confused with the very common Whiff of Arrogance.
  • Armchair Doctor of the Year. Okay I just made that up. For someone without a medical degree I have a high accuracy rating of diagnosing complex symptoms though. It’s become quite a hobby. (Always get a proper doctor’s opinion tho, obviously.)
  • Time and Energy Management Skills. Successfully developed the ‘Aint no one’s got time for that’ Approach and can maximise efficiency and effectiveness with the resources available, otherwise known as ‘Feck off, I aint doing that.’

Work history

  • 2011-2012 Chief Bedwarmer  Duties included – Keeping the bed warm 24/7 by being restricted to staying inside it 24/7. I excelled at this position especially because of my fevers and nightsweats.
  • 2012  Master of Dr Google Duties included – Significant time spent on googling symptoms, diagnoses, doctors and potential treatments.
  • 2012 to present  Professional Patient  Duties included – Managing frequent medical appointments, extensive prescriptions, mind boggling medication schedules and obnoxious doctors, all the while being the perfect patient and getting awarded the famed ‘Pleasant Young Lady’ description in letters about me.
  • 2013 to present Co founder of a patient support organisation, blogger and all round internet nerd. Duties include – Writing stuff on the internet. Promoting stuff on the internet. Talking to people on the internet. I built and manage a website, a popular Facebook page and group, corresponding Twitter account, and produce monthly email Newsletters. I can also pull glittery unicorns out of my arse on command to cheer sick people up. Oh no wait, that was another post. 

Education & Qualifications

  • Undergraduate degree in The Internet from the University of Life.
  • Post graduate Masters in Patient Support & Healthcare on Social Media from the University of TeachingYourselfAsYouGoAlongBecauseYou’reTooSickAndPoorToLearnAnyOtherWay.
  • Swimming 5m and 10m badges. (Would probably just drown at present.)

References from friends pretending to be more important people and photoshopped evidence of qualifications available upon request.

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